44 ways to tell kids you love them so much
There are many small things we can do during the day to strengthen our bond with our children.
I am kissing and hugging my son, tightly for the night. I am saying, “I love you son”, and starting to close the door behind me. From the darkness, my son is answering, “But I do not love you, mommy.”
Goosebumps run down my back, and my heart is filled with guilt. I knew that one day he would say this, but I did not expect so soon. We did not argue, my son was not angry with me.
I am a child psychologist, so I know how to read between the lines. Well, of course, my son loves me, just today, now he is dissatisfied with me and does not know how to express it. Therefore, he says - “I do not love you.” I understand that but hearing this is very, very difficult.
Returning to his room, I am thinking about how we spent the last week. I was overloaded with work, busy and nervous all the time. I did not experience any joy while spending time with the children.
I was not the mother they were used to and deserved.
I was explosive. I did not scream, but anger accumulated in my heart. My children and I lost contact, and our relationship deteriorated.
I sat on the edge of his bed, hugged my boy, and said: “It’s normal that you are angry with me. But no matter what happens, I will always love you.” After kissing my son on the cheek, I went out and went to the refrigerator. It is time to eat ice cream. Turning the ice cream right from the packaging, I decided that it was time to find contact with my children again.
I am happy that I have Rebecca Ines, a parenting expert, and writer. She shares 44 ways to renew and make contact with children. I used these tips, maybe this will help you.
How to make contact with children and make them understand that you love them very much:
Building and maintaining a steady connection with children is a big job, but it’s worth it. We live in a crazy world. Sometimes it’s difficult to find even an hour to play with children - after all, dinner has not yet been prepared, the dishes have not been washed, the mailbox is littered with incoming letters, the phone constantly rings and the laundry is waiting in the wings. But I’m sure communication with children does not have to take a lot of time. There are many small things we can do during the day to strengthen our bond with our children.
Say something nice in the morning. Instead of rushing and tugging, come up with a special greeting for the child. For example, “Grow and shine, my sun” or “Good morning, my little bear, I’m so glad to see you!”. This change can set everyone in a positive mood.
Show your love. A kiss on the cheek, a hug is just seconds, but these little moments add so much love to our lives.
Do something special at breakfast. For example, leave notes with hearts near children’s plates, or make a funny face from fruit.
Say something good about the children before breakfast and speak loudly. For example: “You look cool today” or “Thank you for making the bed yourself this morning.” It really helped me.”
Come up with a special greeting that only you know.
Bless them before they go out the door.
Never let them go without hugging them.
Put the note in the pocket before sending them to kindergarten or school: “I am so glad that you are my child!”
If the child has a mobile phone, send him a message with the text, “I think about you and smile!”
Do something instead of a child.
Bring them a treat, even if they haven’t requested.
Comment on their work. “Oh, you have made such great progress already!”, “How is the homework? You are so diligent!”
Always greet them with a smile, not with interrogations about ratings and behavior: “Hello, dear! I’m glad you’re home!”
Make a bed for them and leave a note on it: “Made with love by mom.”
Allocate 10 minutes of time and tell the children: “I stop doing my business and give you 10 minutes of my time because I love you. What do you want to do in these 10 minutes?”
Inflate the balloons until they fill the entire floor, simply “because”.
Invite the children to massage, affectionately remember their neck, legs, or shoulders for a couple of minutes.
Choose a conversation topic for dinner, such as a new movie, or vacation plans, or better books. So you can avoid awkward silence after the question, “How was your day?”
Turn on loud music and dance in the kitchen for 10 minutes while preparing food.
Take afternoon tea as a rule. Take small cups and saucers and sit together. Don’t like tea? Pour water into a cup. Kids will love it anyway.
The time for praise has come again! Mark something good and tell your child about it at dinner.
Do the most ordinary things with your children. Remember how the gnomes washed dishes in The Hobbit? They sang, laughed, and just had a good time. Try it, but don’t throw the dishes like the dwarves did! At least until you become super experts in this business!
Do quick and fun science experiments together.
Allocate an hour of home time to classical music and fresh cookies from the oven. Children will appreciate it, and the atmosphere will change.
Read aloud a chapter from your favorite book.
Invite the children to your world so that they learn something new about you. Tell us which book you are reading or invite them to do yoga together.
Take a walk together after dinner.
Play board games. They combine perfectly.
Leave notes with words of love everywhere. On the mirror in the bathroom, on the closet in the bedroom, on the pillow, under children’s shoes.
If the children are very young, play with them on the floor for 10-15 minutes without a break. If the children are already older, build something from Lego or take part in their games for at least a few minutes.
Ask more interesting questions than “How was your day?” Try asking, “What have you learned today?” Or “Tell me what good happened to you today”
Take a flashlight and climb under a blanket together to tell exciting stories to each other.
Make bathing of your kids unusual, add new toys, bubbles, water crayons. Play with the kids instead of rushing them.
Spend 5 minutes not to laugh while you and your children make funny faces, tell jokes, or make funny sounds.
Say yes to the offer to play, which you usually refused.
Play a game with the kids asking, “What is your favorite ____?” Until you run out of ideas. Perhaps you will learn something new about each other.
Tell them stories from your childhood.
Talk to your children about their family history. If you yourself do not know it well, you can study the history of ancestors with them.
Swing them in your arms, like newborns. Even if their arms and legs no longer fit anywhere.
Have fun with them.
Slide like piglets into a bed, or like horses into a bathroom.
Spend “special time” with each of the children before going to bed. Sit on the edge of their bed, or lie close by and listen to what they say. If they are silent, just hug them.
Put them to bed with a special prayer or blessing every night.
Always kiss them before going to bed.
I spent a lot of energy to set up relationships with my children. These tips have helped us all become much happier. I hope I don’t hear “Mommy, I do not love you” for a long, long time. And if I hear, I will know what to do.